Explaining Saltyonion

Pilgrims at Downtown Whooze Fun Fair Gather Around Baal's Sacred Head "Chopper"--the Harley of Harleys--as Rider Publicly Executes a Left Hand Turn

Saltyonion is easily the most astonishing place on Erde. Essentially it's the neolithic Salty Sea--an enormous body of saline banana oil (see below)--covered with layers of blown in and marginally less dense sand that have accumulated to a depth of several meters atop the ever-undulating glutinous bananoid surface. The country fields an official population of only 75 registered citizens--a Grand Whoozier, his family, and his 33 Royal Chauffeurs of the House of Whooze, who regularly alternate roles as "political prisoners," "pilgrims," "concubines," "head chopper riders," "basketball players," "security forces," and "autistic-horrorists" depending on the angle of the sun, the selective inattention of the Grand Whoozier, and the way the wind is blowing. No one can ever be certain. The capital is Whooze, positioned on the tiny rocky rim at the southern edge of the sea and coincidentally also on the coast of the Injahlahlah Nautical Abyss--it's the only spot in all of Saltyonion where permanent structures can be built--but it's largely trapped between herds of hungry Kraken and sticky banana oil (which the Kraken use sometimes as a sort of "dip"). The Grand Entrance to Whooze is a triumphal arch with the legend--in garish neon and lapidary script--No Booze in Whooze [In 1860 Whooze was engulfed in The Servile War (1860-1865), both sides using armies of serviles to decide the "smoking and drinking" issue. The winning Grand Whoozier issued the Prohibition Proclamation and the rest is herstory, not ours: serviles--at least the few remaining alive--were no longer allowed to drink champagne or smoke cheroots which they had no access to anyway. In Whooze this sort of convolution is called ethics]. Downtown Whooze proper consists of an enormous palace fashioned entirely from lambswool and eider down, a magnificent Baalist temple housing holy relics (including Baal's ball cap, bell cup, ballista, and bike, and a piece of the True Lacrosse stick), a vast, well-stocked, yet uninhabited trophy mall, and a gold-encrusted, gem-plated basketball court where the world-class Whooziers channel basketball every Satyrday night for the amusement of the G.W.. Whooze also boasts the world's largest and deadliest parking lot (second is the cooling lava bed atop the Volcanotown Pille-Mart), effectively the remainder of the country and home to millions of unregistered Saltyonion Banananomads who are able to move freely across the surface of the Salty Sea mysteriously without sinking too deeply into the sand-covered banana oil beneath their feet. The wanderers subsist entirely on a diet of extracted banana oil salt, and onion rings, which gives them a certain natural flippancy and ability to tolerate the endless antics of the G. W. and his family.