New Peepernauts being trained for next round of "da Urth" missions

Young Penny Pille suiting up for brave go at the "da Urth" simulator

Peepernauts-in-training, garbed in cumbersome protective gear, must learn to work controls, demonstrate good judgement, and effectively handle simulated crises in the Mt. Palomine Institute's Sealed Environment Urth Stress Simulator or SEUSS. During training, the cramped steel tank is filled with internal combustion engine exhaust, hemp smoke, burning crosses, cheap incense, and PC gas emissions. To further disorient and discomfort, speakers blast "Urther" rap music at bone-jarring volume; inconveniently placed optical wireless screens show reruns of Sex and the City along with Pez-headential press conferences, and Fox news; cheesy advertisements "pop-up" unpredictably in trainee's faces; cell phones ring loudly, randomly, and from startlingly unexpected places; and anything set down is instantly stolen or decorated with spray-painted graffiti. Meals consist of a simulated "Urth" diet--a viscous paste made from tofu, Tater Tots, breath mints, and cellulose, spread on sun-dried tomato bagels and washed down with mugs of warm Jolt. Only one in fifteen trainees manages well in the artificial chaos and eventually qualifies as a Mt. Palomine certified Peepernaut. All who have endured the mighty SEUSS agree that the greatest challenge it presents is the nausea-producing sense of utter existential pointlessness induced by the disorienting lack of any cultural gravitas whatsoever. Said one trainee of the SEUSS experience: "It's like trying to function normally while floating upside down in the center of a tornado of crap!"