Institute Asserts Misuse of Theorum Floats Pup

Doctor Abernathy Levitating Chairs by Irresolvable Statements

Confronted with the recent enigma of The Ever-Hovering Hound (see earlier post), a select team of Institute Semantaphysicists and Mechanical Linguists worked feverishly these last days to unearth either laudable trickery or useful technology. Analysis of the photo revealed that the Schnitzu, focus of our eyeballing, suspended itself lengthily in midair by rhythmically chanting (sotto voce) "The dog is most emphatically not hovering in mid-air." The dissonance created by the discrepancy between the evidence of ones senses and the impossibility of the perceived action (within the inertial moment captured by photography) caused a pseudo-real field to spontaneously self-generate and then haplessly re-generate ad infinitum. The field strength (4000 joules) was easily sufficient to keep a quadruped mammal of less than 3 kilos aloft indefinitely. Drs. Pente and Pauline Abernathy demonstrated the technique by inscribing a banner with complex semantic irregularisms and presenting them to random conference room chairs the Drs. hurled toward the ceiling (see above). "Timing is all," Doctor Pauline Abernathy was quoted. "If the chair is caught by the assertion while rising or falling, the evidence otherwise of normality is unyielding, and the invariant parabolic trajectory will be maintained; if however the chair is surprised by an irrational statement at meta-stable apogee, only a window of a nanosecond of hesitation or confusion is necessary to perpetuate the phenomenon." The Drs. will be leading a study group to explore practical applications beyond those self-evident for the Veterinary Services and manufacturers of footstools.