"Ring a Gong Wrong"--a New Moving Picture Epic by Maori National District's Herr P. Jackson

I'm Walkin' on my Knuckles Here! --Wandering Jeweler loses Precious Ring and becomes Monkey with Monkey on Back... on Back of Yet Another Monkey!

An immense, romantic, oversexed, yet wholly artificial Afrique simian-boxer--"King" Congruous-- partners with a whiny, genetically misshapen, and equally pixilated Semite named "Mo" Schmiegel in an awkward and fantasy-prone tribute to director Nick Cervantes' ancient Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor stopped-action melodramas. Tragedy overwhelms the haplessly asymmetric duo when, following a joust with a taunting windmill and an altercation about someone's reluctant ass, they indulge in an argument regarding the pros and cons of circumcision while at the uppermost observation deck of what really isn't a Titanic urban metaphor, but is a concretization of economic meta-for(mulae)--much like a moving picture be. During their sweat-drenched struggle, these professional ex-cons--victims of the soundtrack's bad rap--inadvertently interlock gold jewelry, stumble, careen through an all-seeing monocle and launch themselves clear off the pinnacle of the throbbing skyscraper into the passionate red-hot river of languorously flowing noon-time traffic below. "Twas booty killed these beasts," mutters a witty PhD-holding Ukrainian cabbie as he gestures futilely at a Green Screen two thousand miles away and then ponders if, in his lifetime, this brilliant Triple Entendre will ever be recognized and appreciated for what it is --a deft political response to the Grand Alliance! The moving picture thus grinds forcefully into its Gotterdammerung-like Ende, symbolically rolling eyes and credits from the ground up--heavenward if you will--and beyond the reach of the tower's rapidly deflating Zeppelin mast and protective screen of T-28D Trojan fighter bombers. This non-corporeal ascent is accompanied by rhythmic-yet-cloying children's sing-song, and heart-rending retail promotions of the last chance variety. We at the Institute give it one big opposable thumb-up and will place this "talkie" onto heavy rotations.

[Ed: Jackson also directed the popular species barrier-breaking apocalyptic jurisprudence epic, Twelve Angry Monkeys, and the socially devolved Inherit the Jungle--based on the true story of the trials and tribulations of a citizen-monkey educator named Scopes who taught industrial design to illiterate anthropocentric farmhands in the hinterlands]