Kristaluthians find "way out" is up and back

Rocketing to Heaven on tongues of flame as faithful assistant feeds out high-status "direct line to God"

500-year-old coded painting contains secret to salvation--Ancient shuttle technology enabled Kristaluthian prophet to escape death, orbit "da Urth," and return in time for Sunday egg hunt, ham dinner, and ritual chocolate rabbit decapitation--Celestial rocket fuel consisted of volatile mix of benzene and holy spirits--"God is my astro-navigator" sez cultists--Wotan's Valkyries remain unimpressed