Chanute to chat with Persian "cat" with no hat

Obtuse advocate of "Medievalism with cell phones" will discuss controversial nuclear ("boom-boom") program and duckies fatwa with drooling diplomat counterpart

Baby Chanute will follow his Middle East wacko chat with a North African tour and talks with Sudanese government--then it's off to Venezuela to clear up a few matters there ("make poopies"), and back to DC for a meeting with Pez-head-ent Boosch, in this toddler's-eye whirlwind global search for the "ma-ma uf aw duckies." Baby Chanute promises to be the world diplomat (and possibly leader) people have longed for in these troubled times, one who speaks to various heads of state and their followers on their own terms and in their own psychological "languages" of infantilism, self-absorption, provincialism, hyperbole, and temper-tantrums. Responding to news this week that an Egyptian mullah had issued a fatwa against the New Zealand brown kiwi*, Baby Chanute emphatically stated, "Kee-wee, kee-wee, (giggle)...FUZZY!" and then abruptly started sobbing fitfully until he was provided with a comforting Spongebob balloon by his "nanny," Ms. Patricia Pille.

*We're just joshing here and we apologize as irresponsible comments like this make Islam and other Great Religions and One True Faiths look sort of silly and that's hardly our intent within the reverential pages of Professor Pille's Planetary Panopticon. We have nothing but total respect, and often admiration, for every world-cultural paleolithic notion, half-arsed idea, groundless superstition, xenophobic tendency, and pathological reality tunnel. Truth is the fatwa we're good-naturedly funnin' with was issued against 4-thousand-year-old Egyptian sculpture and not flightless birds (that would be ridiculous!) and this ban on images created thousands of years ago by the same unwashed heathen infidels who built the Great Pyramid is totally understandable as the intention is to simply prevent idolatrous worship and plenty of modern Egyptian hipsters and beatniks have been giving Isis and Toth (and maybe even the Great Pyramid) the eye lately. Hopefully, as a result of this new injunction, we'll soon be witnessing enraged mobs smashing priceless antiquities to bits, a mere taste of the sensible cleansing operation that will no doubt be directed at the Louvre someday, with the assistance of neo-conservative and PC multi-culturally sensitive Americans.

Egyptians--like burgeoning numbers of Americans--are increasingly looking to religious leaders (and Cosmopolitan Magazine) for guidance as they all generally can't think for themselves and need to be told what to do. No judgement meant here, it's just a commonly known fact about the global glut of differently free-will abled. "Red-state" political and religious leaders enjoy issuing their own "fatwas" too with a recent one directed against the legally elected leader of a South American country! Fortunately, many reasonable individuals have indicated that if too many fatwas (of any denomination) are issued (thereby causing fatwa inflation--a loaf of bread will cost a wheelbarrow full of fatwas!) they'll strongly encourage their respective religious leaders to join Fatwa-watchers]