Phony-baloney cirruses raise ruckus in citrus districts

Feminine hygiene sprays in our atmosphere? It happens all the time but suddenly, on this particular day, everybody in San Jose noticed and called NASA! Why NASA? Isn't NASA in charge of outer space spraying? Look closely at the newspaper clipping; it's from a news rag in San Jose, Mercury, a planet that doesn't even have an atmosphere let alone a way for its citizens to reach the Ames Research Center by cell phone!

Paranoid hop-headed kooks and fellow-travelers claim hundreds of unmarked USAF 767 tankers loaded up to their shower caps with Summer's Eve, Fresh Breeze, and the more affordable Bob's Tunnel Flush, have been dousing dithering bumpkinry upside and downside across the flummoxed face of our fair homeland for years now. Are Femtrails the "gummint's" way of telling us we're all pussies, and we stink to boot? Well, we here at Professor Pille's Planetary Panopticon are not a-scared of high-altitude fragrance-spewing flights one tiddle. Why heck, we've owned unfixed male cats and if unfixed male cats regularly flew over major population centers that would constitute a real health crisis. Upcoming--an illuminating Panopticon investigative report on this Zyklon Bee's-Nest of a hot potato of a quandry in a nutshell.