Sayonara Pluto!

Dr. Filmore de Eclair--Chief Astronomilator for the Fairley-Leakey Telescope at the Mt. Palomine Institute of Mysteries

Story to follow about how in the Erde universe we too managed to eliminate our tag-along pseudo planet, coincidentally also named Pluto (but honoring a belligerent nautical character who was the nemesis of Pompeyes, the Carthaginian sailor man, instead of Michael Mause's woofer).

...and here's the story!

Last week, after three mirth-packed months of fun-filled day-long joy-drenched meetings and discussions, astronomilators from all across Erde, and even from underneath things, finally decided to get rid of the tenth planet, Pluto, for good. This after electro-daguerreotypes wirelessed from the unmanned and unmonkeyed deep space exploration craft, Veeger III, last year revealed that the now former planet was, in fact, an immense gaily-colored inflatable. This leaves nine of what astronomilators are now calling Honest Injun planets, named, from Sol outward: Marjorie, Ishtar, Erde, Thor, Bumblefocke, Wotan, Loki, Ouranis, and Loontoon.

New rules for defining planets are:

(1) It must have enough mass and gravity to gather itself into a ball without either being depressed or feeling a need to be inflated.

(2) It must orbit Sol and not gaily bounce around off other planets.

(3) It must reign supreme in its own orbit, having "cleared the neighborhood" of other competing bodies through threats, jeers, or outright fisticuffs.

(4) It must not under any circumstances be a gigantic beach toy or parade balloon.

Everything else out there worth mentioning will be designated "Phony Baloney" planets, except for the swarms of interplanetary astro-gnats and large random chunks of lichen that we're still wondering about. Plans are being made to remove Pluto from its orbit, deflate it, and store it in a big tin shed on Thor.

[Editor's Note: For "da Urth" readers, while there are many close similarities between our universes, there are also profound differences. Your "moon," for example, lacks an atmosphere and suitable parking, and while we have several other inhabited planets in our solar system, you seem to have only one other (go on, guess). Also, you've been short-changed a planet (call customer service ASAP). You have an asteroid belt between Thor (Mars, for you, although Thor is bigger and better) and Wotan (you call it Jupiter and they're identical), but we have a planet, Bumblefocke rollicking about in that spot, a place we'll write about at some later date. Apparently, your Bumblefocke done blowed up years ago, which might explain everything since we don't have all that dangerous blowed-up planet debris--asteroids and comets and such--rumbling about and crashing into things.]

[Patty Pille Note: Yeah, but we have Bumblefocke.]