Dave Dimp responds to news of birth of new Erden "Wunder-Baby" Sebastian Lloyd

Sometimes, I make scents

I've never made a baby before but I imagine it must be tough work so I've made a list of things that will make life easier for people who've just made babies (It doesn't matter how many babies you make at a time, the rules apply equally to any number from one to a thousand!).

• Aromatherapy solves just about any problem from the spiritual to putting shingles on the roof--start there and start with a good scent that will cover up bad odors, as babies are full of bad odors
• Don't forget baby oil changes (which should be changed every 3000 miles anyway unless you use a good detergent baby oil)
• Get the baby a wireless wiretalker so he can call you whenever he needs something
• Whenever the baby brings up the subject of potty training change the subject
• Avoid toys with whiskers and/or batteries
• Sleep in shifts because they're easier to get in and out of than pants
• Start the baby out with subscriptions to simple and colorful magazines --like Country Home or American Virtual Pie Eater
• Never let the baby change TV channels on its own without mittens
• If the baby keeps you up way too late at night allow it to win a few hands and get overconfident
• Babies should be carefully carried the same way mole rats carry their mole-kittens--in your mouth, which is the way I carry most of my pets
• Babies like lots of air--buy plenty of extra (oops--I meant hair!)
• Don't let dogs near babies because the dogs will stare at them and then the babies will need sunglasses when they're older

I think I've covered everything about how to raise babies at home. Good luck!