Renowned citizen monkey hurls crap at Planet of Apes readers

Levander Fricke CM--author of Seven and Ape--The Luck of the Primates and My Years Beneath the Squid, and veteran National Optical Wireless commentator

I'm told that those residents of a parallel Universe planet (known as "da Urth") who may or may not be reading these postings from our own world (the one that we call Erde) oftentimes have difficulty apprehending what they would catalogue as the "social and political stance" of this peculiarity of inter-world communication known as a "blog." Steeped in dual-isms and cultural simplicities, "da Urthers" (or simply "Urthers" perhaps--many of us argue that the "da" is a mere article, not an integral part of that place's name) seem to devote far too much time to either seeking allies in hardened thought, or otherwise enumerating, chastising, or outright committing mayhem upon bogeymen. Fresh perspectives and new ideas are not hot properties; little wonder our thoughts on these pages confuse.

Every once in a while, the editor feels a need to ask a writer to bring these invisible readers up-to-date on--to stoop to the vernacular--where we're coming from. After careful analysis, Ed (the editor) has concluded that "Urthers" accept difficult truths better if they're uttered by a monkey, a member of an endangered species, a cartoon character, or any whiny impotent male like Ralph Nader. Being a chimpanzee (a "Citizen Monkey" here on Erde, and proud of it!) with fifteen minutes to spare in my packed day and with a favor to return, the honor this time has devolved (pun intended) to me.

In a coconut shell, here's where we're at in regard to both our own proclivities, and the breathtaking pageant that is your world.

• Religion is dangerous bunk. All of it. No exceptions. Religions base themselves on hearsay, unreliable texts (what text is not unreliable?), and unprovable and unverifiable suppositions. I was recently visiting "da Urth" (a largely unpleasant experience, although the banana frappes are sublime and every schoolyard contains the most marvelous recreational equipment!) and was told by a wild-eyed adherent of one particular True Faith that "proof" of their prophet's otherworldliness consisted of several 100-year-old reports of miracles and such, witnessed by other doubtlessly objective followers. That's far better hard evidence than many religious nutcases can toss up--most of them work with fragmentary and contradictory information that is thousands of years out of date. While historians proper (professional historians, not apologists for phantasms) are still trying to figure out what sort of man Napoleon was, your average hot-under-the-collar Christian can tell you exactly how their favorite son O'God folded his pants and washed his socks. Christians and Muslims too are remarkable for their ability to get right inside their prophet's head and think his thoughts for him. Every "believer," in turn, is convinced that they, along with their kindred souls, have a direct pipeline to some omniscient all-powerful deity. Religion cannot exist without the basic premises of "we are better than non-believers" and (logically inferred if not stated outright) "non-believers are, to varying degrees, lesser than us." The great and glorious deity seems to exist largely to punish unbelievers, an awkward tautology whose appreciation is beyond the range of zealots.* Religions that push for tolerance of the views of others tend to be the most sanctimonious of all and generally appeal to those among the educated classes who--desiring, as always with these types, both cake and its ingestion--can feel even better than better-than-others because they are so darned nice, warm, accepting, and loving. The only religions of any merit are those that keep to themselves and maintain a realistic sense of humility and doubt. If such exist on "da Urth" I have yet to discern one but they may be hiding about. Two last things--fairy-tale worship is not always prayer beads and chanting and on "da Urth" some social and political theorizing has taken on all the dented armor of religion. Witness the agony that is environmental activism, sacerdotal feminism, and the obscenity of racial and ethnic myth-making. Second, residents of Erde are hardly disbeliever's in a magical Universe. We just observe the miracles, note the endless inconsistencies, and humbly wonder what it's all really about. An "Urth" book that is a bestseller on Erde (which has signed no copyright accord!) is John Keel's Disneyland of the Gods. I assign it in my classes at the University and recommend it.
  
  
• Politics is lugubrious bullshit. All of it. No exceptions. Each political stance, rather than being based on meticulous observation, intense research, and responsible theorizing, is generally an inflation of personal sentiments and/or a rationalization of prejudices, and/or a thoughtless knee-jerk reaction to issues subjectively interpreted. Include within this condemnation most, if not all, social theorizing, especially, on "da Urth" within the last 30 years or so (prior to that time intellects existed there that actually sought to understand the unknown, not merely accumulate evidence to support a particular hobby-horse of an idea). While we find all "Urther" political systems childish and febrile, barely worth the effort to criticize (most so-called "red-state" politics fall into this category), we are especially appalled by the so-called "blue-state" inanities--largely because they evolved (mutated hideously would be more accurate) from often solid thinking that was once known as Liberal or Progressive, although even these terms have altered in meaning so much as to be meaningless in this environment. Currently, the "Urth" intelligentsia--formerly genuinely educated and quite sensible--are anti-intellectual, forcibly uneducated, indoctrinated and dogmatic, and prone to deep sympathies with superstitions, primitivism, and witch-burning. Their passion for bare-butted hunter-gatherers and arcane voodoo ritual is such that they have denied the very idea of progress--this alone separates them more than anything from their Left-leaning and especially Marxist ancestors, those who did not suffer backwardness gladly. We have dubbed these embryonic louts whitenecks, or the modern educated-ignorami. Conversely, and ironically, the former rednecks or current Red-Staters have developed a mildly rigorous intellectuality. Regardless, politics on "da Urth" is largely a pell-mell race backwards into different romanticized and fictional pasts--the Middle Ages or the Neolithic--or an embracing of child's-perspective paternalism or maternal-ism.

• More later--I need to groom