Charles Darwin Esquire Explains Intelligent Re-Design

Charles Darwin Esq. of the Mt. Palomine Institute of Mysteries

In regard to my well-received magnum opus of creation jurisprudence, The Intent of Man, I'm often asked by students and lay persons alike difficult questions regarding the nature of the primary contract between, Mankind (Inc.), and the Creatrix. The most sensible way to satisfactorily answer these interrogations with a bare minimum of legal bluster is simply to state that the initial negotiations and subsequent document were mildly flawed and that the Creatrix, in a sense, owes us--for not so much shabby but instead now-irrelevant work. Therefore, she has initiated a second round or "Intelligent Re-Design" as some pundits have dubbed it, of the flora and fauna of our fair Erde, dropping within our midst such useful creatures as the Aborigia National District Platypus Beer Opener, the Smoot, and now the User-Friendly Arachnid. I am, by the way, of no relation to the Albionian naturalist, Charles Darwin, late of nearly 150 years ago, who published a rather silly book about random happenstances and the destiny of the world's creatures, this in contrariness to the great Roman philosopher Pontius Pilate's assertion that as man "selects" (or as primitives put it, contracts with, as in a covenant) his or her gods (much in the same way as my clients select legal representation or chewing gum from an assortment) from the infinite Omniverse, the system that these people find themselves embedded within is effectively an epiphenomenon of the selection process. In other words, all "devolves" from the selection instant, and (as another great philosopher phrased it) what the Believer believes, the Prover proves. Our noble and peaceful society, rather wisely I might add, "selected" a sensible god--Wotan--a deity who protects us from intangibles and occasionally smites our enemies, yet a god we can dine or play canasta with quite comfortably. However, our somewhat superstitious ancestors contracted with the Creatrix and she has proven to be, if I may skirt slander, a bit of a ditz. Sadly, those on our Echo World are in dire straits in this aspect, caught, as dullards, infants, and our pathological Absolutists sometimes are, terrorized and ordered-about by their own unthinkingly chosen delusions, their own unpleasant pater-and-mater-nalistic shadows if we may say so.