The ultimate and penultimate ultimatum on the Dual Woolworths incident

[The first glutinous chunk of paragraph makes reference to a bulletin received and repostholed through the MySpacery. It is left here for future historians and ethnomusicologists to muse over]

Distantly down below there, is what will be our last repostholing of any 9-11 material. The authors score splendid points, loft logic like weightlifters, and otherwise mop and wax the parquet with conspiratorial scoundrels. Unfortunately, they are dead wrong.

Debate about 9-11 raged and stormed here at the Institute for nearly a full 15 minutes, obscuring the amenities and comestibles of a perfectly good coffee break. One alliance of opinions, headed by Chippy the Chip-Monk, the Institute's mascot and Chief of Security, maintained that--to quote her directly--Mohammedan beavers done the job! Chippy has reams of material in her files to bolster this viewpoint but her evaluations are tainted by her well-known animosity toward beavers. In her tiny rodential mind they are the fountainhead of all misery: Boosh, Wolfowitz, and the Federal Reserve all rolled together and outfitted with immense incisors and broad flattened tails. We believe Chippy dated a beaver once and the experience made her distraught.

The other faction's theory, formulated largely by our own nebulous Dave Dimp, insisted otherwise and his camp proffered only this lone daguerreotype as iron-clad evidence. As some wise-guy once uttered, the proof may be discerned within the tapioca, and a single doctored daguerreotype is roughly equivalent to a thousand half-baked and paranoid potatoes.

Small wonder that upon "da Urth" there has been a cover-up of the events, no doubt to avoid widespread panick. T'was Rodan killed the beasts and here we're all now fine with that.

New thing worked out for new things

The staff and management

Beginning today, the Ides of June, and with the previous posting, feuilletons and rambuscades emanating from the Mount Palomine Institute of Mysteries will--at prodigious and unwarranted expense of time and electrons--be posted simultaneously on the gawd-awful MySpacery and this somewhat more respectable (as in seldom read) site.

Spirit of Nation bagged by tubby yoot

Love me or leave me--cherished symbol of an entire culture for both Red and Blue-Staters alike to be turned into NPR fundraiser tote bags and at least 8000 Sam's Choice family-sized bags of fried pork rinds

This story originally appeared in the "Urth" press as "UNDERAGE NRA GUNMAN DOWNS MICHAEL MOORE" but examination of the corpse revealed it to be at least twice the size of Saint Michael and several times more swinish. Pluswhich the titanic bovine was wearing neither budget wire-framed eyeglasses nor a meticulously "aged and soiled" ball-cap--integral elements of the beloved muckraker's brand image. The Great Pig's only accessories were an enamelled flag pin used to pierce one of far too many nipples, and a tattered and faded bumper sticker affixed to its rump that boasted: ASS, GRASS OR CASH--NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE

Several local Native Americans--at the urging of Erden undercover agents (who coincidentally were of the same tribe!)--examined the stinking carcass and correctly identified it as the now-deceased Animal Soul of A-Merka. The pronouncement was greeted with delirious rejoicements by the various politically correct hangers-on and multiculturalist toadies (those blind and sucking critters that are often found attached like lamprey to Native Americans) but the "Indians" made it unambiguously clear that this was their animal spirit as well.

Will A-Merka survive now that its soul has been bazooka'ed into oblivion by an fittingly obese and androgynous Red-State bumpkinette, or will its core values manifest as yet another record-sized oinker... or worse?

Meanwhile, in the Muddled East, a similar monster, shaped less like a porker (praise Allah!) and more like a grotesquely over-sized hyena has been reported mindlessly raging about from Gaza to Tehran to Darfur. Our Sufi and sub-Saharan shaman contacts are working hard at a spirit identification and they already have their suspicions.