Aztekia to Rebuild Temple of Tenochtitlan as Shopping Center

Locus of Barbarous Pagan Activity in Disrepair

In darker times, each dreadful Satyrday twelfth hour in the Temple of Tenochtitlan, hundreds of captive audience members were put to death, their pulsing hearts torn from their flickering bodies, hot blood pouring shadow-like across scattered piles of Xilonen's "popped" corn; all for a hideous ceremony known as the Quetzalcoatl Horrorist Picture Show. Nowadays, only day-long screenings of classic Imperial epics like Lucas Schauspieler's Starjaws XII, or D.W. Griffith's monumental Birth of an Empire (and dipsomaniacal Lowetolerance), are available to the marginally calmer citizens of Neuholstein, capital city of Aztekia. Since the ban on theatrical human sacrifice in 1865, following the District Unpleasantness-es (1860-1865) and the Ascension of Abraham, the Temple of Tenochtitlan, although in use, has not been repaired or maintained. Fortunately, the Aztekia Department of Antiquities recently announced the release of 10,000 francs to convert this once nightmarish, yet now quaint, edifice into a Mini-Mall, to be called the Kukulcan Temple of Commerce. The annexed pawnshop (in photo to the left)--in operation since 866 A.P. (Anno Pilatum for newcomers)--will remain in business and the "Grail" (seen in this photo atop the fireplug), hocked by Edward the Confessor in 1216, will continue to be on display to the public along with Texican actor/singer Elvin Pretzel's stuffed Balucatherium, "Trigger," who's kept out back in a very tall tent.